Will it ever be the same?
by McGorgeous
Summary: This is my little story about Addison and Derek back in New York. Before the affair, before Seattle, before the slutty inter, before the panties in the tux,... But not before their issues started. Will things ever be the same? Addek, eventually.
1. Don´t leave me alone in the rain!

Addison and Derek in New York, before the affair, before Meredith, but not before all their issues started.

Will they make it?

Read and review to my Addie/Derek fic (sry, just hate calling them Addek ))

Well, first, I´m 15 and live with my mother, so, if you want to sue me, fine, just do it! All you can get are my DVDs and books anyway!

I don´t own any of the characters in this fic and trust me, Addie and Derek never ever would´ve broken up if I did… No slutty intern, no panties in a tux,…

So, I hope you enjoy my little story ) R&R pleaseeee

Don´t leave me alone in the rain

_Here we go again_ that were Addison Forbes-Montgomery Shepherds thoughts when she waited for her husband, as usual.

„He´s not coming, he stood me up, again! "She said to herself as she cleaned the plates and threw all the food away she spent hours to cook.

It was their anniversary, their 12th anniversary to be exact. Derek had a last minute surgery at the hospital, at least that´s what Addison suspected since he didn´t even bother to call and cancel anymore. And it was not getting any easier. The wounds just got deeper and deeper and it ripped her heart apart knowing her husband would rather stand in an OR than spending their anniversary with her, his wife.

_If he even remembers_ she thought to herself. She wasn´t sure of anything anymore. He changed, he just wasn´t the guy who was once waiting for her down the aisle. She wasn´t even sure he loved her anymore.

Addison sighed as she sat down, hoping that drinking a bottle wine would help her, but gosh, she was so wrong! It just made her see everything twice!

_Now I see everything twice, but still, don´t see my husband at all. That day is just great! _

She stretched her long legs and let another sigh escape her chest.

_How did we end up here?_ She asked herself as she thought back to all those funny and often slightly embarrassing moments they shared. But it was gone, all gone. Her paradise was rocked, since a few months her husband ignored her, forgot for example her birthday last week and just wasn´t the same anymore. It seemed like everything has changed and like she could never get it back. She wanted her life back. And her husband, who WAS her life.

A few hours later Addison woke up. She actually fell asleep on the chair in the dining room. But what was it that woke her up?

She opened her eyes and lifted her head to see her husband walking to the kitchen.

She got up and walked over to the kitchen door and leaned against the wooden doorframe.

"You didn´t show" she was still wearing the dress she bought for today and the horribly uncomfortable heels.

"what?" he hadn´t even noticed her standing there and looked at her in confusion.

"Remember today? Or what we did 12 years ago?" she rose her eyebrows. She didn´t tell him he forgot her birthday, but this she so would tell him!

"Addison, I don´t have time for your Guess what?´ games!" when he looked at her she saw nothing. Nothing but blue emptiness. Her heart ached as she thought back how he used to look at her, but she forced herself back into the here and now thing.

"To make this easier for you, since you are to busy to talk to your wife" her voice was close to getting really high, as it usual did when she was furious "today, exactly 12 years ago, we got married and this makes it our anniversary" she said this like she explained it to a three year old

"I am not stupid Addison!" was his only response, she didn´t even get an I´m sorry, which he never truly meant anyway.

"Why the hell didn´t you show then?!" now she was yelling. Yelling out of pure frustration over her husband who didn´t care about anything that involved her.

"I´m not going to talk to you when you´re like this" he passed her and walked into the living room.

She flipped around so fast that it made her head spin "You never want to talk to me!" that was it, she was yelling again and her voice had reached the highest progression there was

"I really don´t have time for this right now!" he grabbed his coat and headed towards the door

"That´s it?! An I really don´t have time for this?! That all I get?!" she was furious

"We´ll talk later, okay?" he said as he placed his hand on the door nub.

"You keep telling me this for weeks Derek!" she stopped the yelling, she wasn´t even mad anymore, just hurt.

"I have to work" he stepped out in the rainy New York night.

She followed him and now stood on the porch as she felt the raindrops on her head

"That´s what you always say! That´s all I hear! My work! There´s only a you´ anymore, no more us´!"

"Go inside, you´ll just get sick!" he said and opened the door of his car

"Like you even care!!!!!" she yelled at her husband, if you could still call him that.

He got in the car and didn´t even look at her.

Hot tears started streaming down her cold cheeks as she said "Don´t leave me alone in the rain Derek" then her voice broke and he drove away.


	2. Let´s get this over with

So, hey everyone at first. Sorry I didn´t update, but so stuck and had lots of homework and I just can´t find my chemistry homework

Anyway, tests coming up… German, English and Math, blame my teachers if I cannot update till my holidays, something like October 28 whatever…

Thanks Love-Patrick-Dempsey, Addekluvrrr, Mony19 and WeAreAddisonAandDerek for reviewing

Well, again: I do not own any of the characters, if I would Addie and Derek would totally live happily ever after in NYC (don´t like Seattle that much) it would all be fluffy and cheesy, everything´s Shonda´s, so don´t sue me, please. Still am 15 (gonna turn 16 soon YAY), live with my mother and only have my books, DVDs, my sarcasm and a sparkling personality

So, again, do not sue me, please, because there seriously is nothing to take and you´ll just be broke after.

Okay, to the actual story, don´t expect anything fluffy and/or cheesy, that could come later ;)

Let´s get this over with

It´s has been five days. Five long silent days. Five days since the anniversary and the fight.

Derek stopped talking, not even a „hello"anymore and Addison didn´t bother to fight for their marriage anymore.

Addison sat at home, in the same chair she fell asleep in the last time and read about a TTTS case she had to operate on the next day. She quickly glanced to the door when she heard a key turning in the lock.

„Hey Stranger" she said without looking up again.

The response she got was as satisfying as when you walk through the streets after the rain and some stupid cabdriver thinks it´s funny to drive through a wet spot and get you all wet.

She couldn´t even understand what he mumbled.

"Fine, that´s it!" with those words Addison closed her chart and walked up the stairs.

A confused look crossed Derek´s face.

When she walked back downstairs she held a big envelope in her hand, just like those you get when you got accepted at a college, just that this envelope didn´t mean anything good.

"What´s that?" Derek asked with an annoyed look on his face, because she didn´t tell him right away

"Divorce papers" she handed him the envelope

"What?!" he looked at the envelope and then back at his wife

"You don´t care, you don´t love me anymore, if you ever did… The point is" she stopped and sighed "the point is, if you don´t care, then there is no sense in me trying to get you to care. So, just sign them and let´s get this over with" she walked towards the door

"Addison—"he started but was cut off

"Don´t make this any more painful than it already is" she walked out the door and left him speechless.

_What the hell did I just do?! I don´t want to end my marriage…_ Addison thought while she walked down to the pier, which she and Derek used to do a lot when they were done with work and well, still talking to each other.

She said down on a bench and started to cry _How could all that get so screwed up. We were happy and then…_ She actually couldn´t think of any significant point in their marriage where everything changed. They had both started working a lot. _But that can´t be the reason, can__ it?_

Meanwhile at the brownstone Derek still stood there and looked at the door when he decided to sit down and take a look at the papers. When he opened the envelop he heard metal clicking. Papers and something shiny fell out on the table. The wedding rings. The rings he gave to her 11 years ago.

_This can´t be it, this cannot be the end of my marriage, there has to be a way to work things out…_

He sighs and tries to call Addison, but since she doesn´t want to talk, she shut her phone off.

So he decided to call Mark, his best friend for as long as he can remember.

"She gave you what??" Mark asked confused after Derek told him the whole story

"Divorce papers…" Derek sighed and suddenly cared

"Didn´t you kind of see that coming?" Mark turned to his best friend and raised his eyebrows

"Did you?"

"To tell you the truth, YES!" Marks was pretty much shocked how Derek could be all that clueless

"Why didn´t you tell me?"

"We all did, but you wouldn´t listen, you had to work" Mark replied carefully

Derek sighed "How could this happen to us?"

XXX

Meanwhile Addison had dried her tears and looked at the beautiful skyline of Manhattan.

Pictures started flashing in her head. Derek and her sitting right on that bench when they first moved to New York, Derek kneeling down and proposing on the ferryboat, their wedding day, birthdays, anniversaries, christmases …

Her eyes filled with a new load of tears and she pushed the once so wonderful and happy memories back.

_What am I still doing here? It´s almost night and I have no idea where to go now…_ she thought to herself. She didn´t want to go back to the brownstone, and a night on a bench just didn´t seem like something she´d ever do. So Addison called her best friend Savannah and asked her if she could spend the night.

XXX

It was a restless night for both Addison and Derek…

TO BE CONTINUED….

Okay, you all, I am so sorry for the fluffy cheesy things every now and then, but I want em back together!!!!! Hope you´ll forgive me

And so sorry for the whole mess, I am not really sure what to do with those two by now… Help and feedback, reviews yeah, even hate mail´s appreciated!

I know, not really long update…anyway, hope u like it and don´t forget to review! ;)


	3. Sleepless Nights

I do still NOT own anything! I´m still 15, only for 12 days!! YAY. I do NOT own Private Practice, as a matter of fact I do NOT own anything except my DVDs, books, my sarcasm and a sparkling personality. So, please don´t sue me, for both of our sake, you´ll only be broke after

Sleepless Nights

Addison said on the cold wooden floor at her best friends´ house. Savannah and her husband Weis, Addison both knew since college, let her stay with them since she had no place to go. It had been two days. Two days of sleepless nights, of tossing and turning. Two days that had been hell

for Addison.

She ran her fingers along the wood grain under the dark varnish she was sitting on. It looked like the one she and Derek had in their brownstone. Everything reminded her of him. She

would suddenly start crying when she looked at this floor or when her fingers subconsciously touched the spot on her left hand where her rings used to be.

Addison wasn´t able to get up. She just couldn´t and didn´t know if it was because she hadn´t slept in days or she just completely lost her strength. The strength she always was so proud of.

Addison never was someone who would let other people see her weak, let alone crying. So, she locked herself in the room and sobbed. This was the hardest thing she had ever done, leaving the love of her life. _You did the right thing, now just lighten up damn it! _She thought to herself as she furiously wiped the tears out of her face. How she hated it to cry.

Addison wanted to go to work, they day she left Derek, but Savvy disagreed and called the chief so she had a few days off. Addison was grateful for that because going back to work meant seeing Derek and she was not ready to take that step.

XXX

Derek was pacing. He was running up and down the room, running his fingers through his hair.

_This has got to be a nightmare! I am dreaming. This can´t be happening! _Images of Addison leaving flashed into his mind. How could he let it come this far? How could she just leave him? After 12 years of marriage and so many years of relationship before that! Years of being best friends, lovers and soul mates. He missed her, he couldn´t sleep at night and it took him so long to admit that.

Derek finally sat down. He didn´t sleep in two days. Okay, he was a neurosurgeon, he was used to no sleep, but this was different. He didn´t even bother to talk to her, he didn´t put up a fight and he didn´t even try to stop her from leaving.

Now Derek wanted to call her, the past days Savvy always got rid of him somehow, trying really hard not yell at him.

When he shifted his gaze he saw the divorce papers and Addison´s rings on top of them. The places where he had to sign were marked with small black crosses.

_She didn´t sign yet__ does this mean we actually still have a chance to work this out? We have to…_ The door bell startled Derek out of his thoughts, he knew who it was, of course he did.

Derek and Mark had been best friends since they were eight and met in detention.

And if you are friends for that long, you get a feeling for when the other one is showing up.

"It´s open!"

XXX

"Addison!" Savannah knocked on Addison´s door "You have to eat! God, you´re a doctor, you should know that! Now, please come out!!!"

After a long silence Addison answered "Give me one more day, okay?"

Savvy sighed, clearly not knowing what to do "Okay, one day, and after that I swear I´ll force you to eat!" since she was sure there was no response to that coming she headed back towards the living room.

**FLASHBACK**

"Derek, seriously, I hate camping! Hate! Hate!" Addison said desperatly, still trying to avoid having to sleep in a tent and eating trout. Even the thought of that made her want to hurl.

"You will like it and now stop complaing and help me!" was his barely audible response coming from under the tent

"First: I don´t complain, second: If I do, I am allowed to and third: I won´t help! You made me go camping with you! You are forcing me to spend my free weekend in the woods! The first free weekend we can spend together in over two months and you make me go camping! So, excuse me, but you have to put up with me complaining!" Addison replied, leaning against a tree. It was not like she hated Nature. She actually liked it, she liked nature for as long as she could go back home to an apartment and a bed.

"Addison, please! I am begging you to help me, because if you don´t we won´t have anything to sleep in!" before waiting for her response he just continued, sure of knowing what his fiance was about to say "I know, you couldn´t care less about that" that sentence made Addison smile. How well he knew her. "Remember the last time we went camping?" Derek looked out from the tent that looked like a little breeze could just tear it back down

"Yes, I do, I actually liked it. After two days of me complaining you agreed to just go to a hotel" she gave him a self-satisfied smile

"But now we only have two days, so, no hotel for you!"

"Well, you realize I won´t stop complaining, right?"

Derek sighed "Yeah, sadly I do"

After all the complaining, the evening turned out to be pretty nice.

"I know you really like it here right now, but are just too proud to admit it" Derek smiled at Addison who sat to his right and was looking at the perfect sky with all the stars shining down on them

"Well, surprise, I do like it" she smiled and turned to face him "But I´ll never do this again" she quickly added, knowing she would end up out here sooner or later anyway

"That´s fine by me. Plus, we both know that you can´t resist my charm" he gave her a cocky grin

**FLASHBACK**

_Why can´t we just go back to that? Go back to being happy. I want things back, I want my life back. _

Addison thought to herself, knowing that she won´t ever get that back.

So she decided it was best to move on. Not _move on_move on, but trying to.

Addison quickly got up from the cold hartwood floor she spent two days on and got ready for work. After all, she couldn´t avoid it all forever.

XXX

"Derek, you have to go back to work! Staying here won´t solve anything" Mark said to Derek who sat besides him, looking exactly like he felt.

"I know, but I don´t know. I just…"

"You screwed up, big time, but if you want to get your marriage and Addison back, you have to stop sitting at home and thinking about what you could have done."

"I do want to get her back, but I am sure as hell she thinks differently." Derek replied, massaging his temples

"Well, I don´t think she will either" Mark looked at derek, seeing the expression on his face he quickly added "I am just being honest, but I could be wrong. Maybe she does. But to find that out you have to go to work. The only chance o save your job so they won´t replace you and to maybe get your wife back."

"Yeah, you´re right."

"I know I am"

XXX

Sorry the update is this short, but I´m so busy these days! Birthdays and school… Gosh it just sucks.

Really sorry guys that they´re still not back together, but they need a little time I guess.

Okay, I have to study again… Sorry guys

Hope you at least liked it.

Read and Review PLEASE


	4. Heartache

Don´t own anything!

**Heartache**

The day went quiet normal for Addison Montgomery Shepherd. As normal as it could after announcing to your husband that you want a divorce because he just gives a shit.

It was her first day back at work after sobbing for an entire week,

Addison loved Derek, she always would. She knew it, but she also knew this wasn´t worth the heartache, the nights she had spent crying about her husband not even caring enough to remember her birthday or their anniversary.

Their marriage had happy times. Of course it did. Addison had held on to those memories of their happy days, like she was drowning and it was the only thing saving her, until it seemed like looking back at something she´d lost a long time ago.

A heavy sigh escaped Addison´s chest and she rubbed the bridge of her nose lightly. Four hours were left on the clock. Four hours before she had to go back. Back to a lonely room. Sure she had Sav and Weiss, but this didn´t change anything. Derek was the love of her life, her soul mate and her best friend. They had shared their happiest memories together and never spent a day without the other one, if it was arrangable. She felt a pang in her chest, thinking of the fact they had to sit together and get everything over and done with. Dividing their possessions and belongings. Splitting all the photo albums, filled with memories, deciding who would get the wedding china, the brownstone, the house in the Hamptons, the apartment in Aspen and so much more. But the albums were the hardest thing for Addison. She remembered hours of sitting on the cold hardwood floor and going through them. It wasn´t just paper with pictures. It was filled with memories. Something that made you realize it was worth holding onto.

She knew she was totally lost in her thoughts again, but honestly Addison didn´t care. She didn´t care about patients, interns, charts, the hospital or anything related to it.

All she felt right now was a heartache. One she knew she would never be able to recover from.

XXX

Two hours were left. Addison was grateful she hadn´t seen Derek today.

She knew he was working, Richard, the chief of surgery, had told her.

No one knew they were splitting up, no one except Mark and Richard.

„Oh god, I´m so sorry" someone said and Addison felt like her ribs got broken.

She ran into someone on the big hospital corridor and now that person was on top of her.

Addison grimaced in pain, feeling the person above her move.

„Are you okay?" her eyes fluttered open as she recognized the familiar voice.

„Addison?" she heard his voice again, not able to choke out a single word. Her breath got caught in her throat every time she opened her mouth, trying to speak.

"Addie?" Derek bent down and looked at her, stroking her hair softly.

A small crowd had gathered around them, watching every move.

„What the hell is going on here?!"Richard came around the corner and saw Addison lying on the floor.

„Go! Don´t you people have work to do?!" he angrily yelled at the small gathering of nurses and interns.

„What happened?" Richard questioned, looking down at his two attendings.

„I… we… I ran into her and we fell" Derek explained rambling.

„Examine her" Richard ordered, looking at Derek.

„I´m fine!" Addison was finally able to force out, pain still visible on her face.

„You will have that exam!" Richard ordered in his I´m-your-boss tone he had used on her and Derek when they were his interns.

XXX

„Addison, you okay?" Derek asked her when they were in an exam room.

She had her hands crossed in her lap, staring at her fingers, avoiding his gaze.

„Please just—„ Derek sighed and moved towards her „Just look at me Addie." He moved her chin up so she was looking at him, the pain evident in her eyes. Derek knew she was heartbroken and he was the one who did this to her. He hated himself for it. For taking her for granted, for thinking she was strong enough to handle everything on her own.

„I´m sorry" he whispered and put his hand from under Addison´s chin on her shoulder, squeezing it lightly.

Her skin tingled under his touch. She hated that she was still head over heels in love with him and did everything to push her feelings back.

„I don´t care" she shook her head, her eyes filling with tears „It´s too late" Addison was able to whisper before the tears started floating down her cheeks.

Derek felt his heart shatter, he could see it in her eyes. He had screwed up. And not just like eating-the-last-piece-of-cheesecake-and-not-asking-her-if- she´d-want-it-screwed-up, more like forgetting-her-birthday-without-apologizing-for-it-screwed-up.

Which he actually both did. Eating the last piece of cheesecake made her mad, but forgetting her birthday broke her.

Derek so desperately wanted to fix what he had broken. Like a broken mug, just collect the pieces and glue it together.

„It´s never too late, it´s worth trying." He tried, wiping the tears away.

„I did try. You didn´t. I never said Not now, I have surgery to do´." Addison answered him, trying to get up, but gasped as she felt a stinging pain.

„Sit back, I´ll do the exam."Derek pushed her down.

„I´m fine" she said through gridded teeth.

„If you´re fine, the get up and walk out"

„I can do that" Addison forced out, pushing herself up, trying to make her way over to the door.

„Addison, stop acting so childish."

„Who´s acting childish?!" Addison turned around, a hand on her ribs, giving him her death glare.

„Don´t blame this on me" he motioned towards her hand that was resting on her ribs.

„You fell on me!"

„You didn´t pay any attention either!"

„Okay, fine. You´re right." Addison admitted, moving towards him again. „Please do the exam, I´m dying here" she laughed, but stopped quickly, her ribs hurting even more.

„Good girl. Take off your shirt"

„Pardon me?" Addison asked in shock, staring at him.

"Well, I´ll have to see if you have a cracked or broken rib and for that, you have to take your shirt off." Derek explained. He knew she felt uncomfortable doing this, but he needed to examine her.

"Fine" Addison sighed, reached the rim of her shirt and pulled it over her head.

"Thank you" he turned around.

"Stop staring!"

"I—" he started, trying to defend himself, but realized she was right "Sorry"

XXX

"So, what is it?" Addison looked at him, waiting for an answer.

"Two cracked ribs"

"Seriously?"she snatched her ex-rays and looked at them.

"You´re doubting my skills as a doctor." Derek looked at her, faking a shocked expression.

"Shut up pretty boy" Addison smirked at him. She quickly looked back at the ex-rays in her hand, realizing that he still was the same.

Something had changed, she knew it.

But what?

"So, Doctor Shepherd, would you do me the honor and tell me what you´re seeing?"

"Fine, you´re right, two cracked ribs. Addison rolled her eyes at the self-satisfied grin that spread across his face.

Maybe they still had a chance…

TO BE CONTINUED…

So, you want me to get them together again soon? Like next chap?

Lemme know

And, sorry, I haven´t updated in so long. But since no one reviewed for my last chappie, if you want an update, please review!


	5. Everybody Hurts

**Everybody Hurts**

So, apartment in Austria is sold… me sad sob

It was the day.

The day Addison Shepherd had dreaded all along.

Today she and her soon to-be ex husband had to sit together and decide how they would split their belongings.

Addison let out a heavy sigh.

Something inside of her still kept her from stepping over the threshold.

The threshold of the brownstone, which she had sworn herself she´d never come back to.

But unfortunately she had to.

To move on, move on with the life she had shared with Derek for more than 18 years now.

With trembling hands she fished the key out of her purse and turned it in the lock.

Everyone was gathered at the long table in the dining room.

Derek, his lawyer and Addison´s lawyer.

They all looked up as she entered the room.

Derek quickly bent his head down, in attempt to focus on the papers in front of him.

Addison walked over and sat down on one of the big chairs, face to face with Derek.

He looked more like McNightmare than McDreamy.

But she wasn´t the one to judge. She´d spent days just sitting on the cold floor and crying over the man she loved.

„Hey" he mumbled, looking up slightly.

„Hey" Addison whispered, the lawyers looking at them curiously.

„You look awful" she continued in a whisper.

„You blame me?"

„Yeah, you´re right" she sighed and took off her sunglasses that hid her red eyes.

„You ready to start, Mr. and Mrs. Shepherd?" both of them looked up at Derek´s attorney.

„Uhh, sure" Addison answered quickly, Derek only gave him a nod.

„You have to divide your possessions. Let´s start with the brownstone." Addison´s lawyer, Mr. Green continued.

„She can have everything" Addison´s head flipped around, looking at her husband in confusion.

„What?"

„I screwed up, you should be the one getting it then"

„No, we both worked for this. We had nothing."

„You had a trust fund."

„So? That doesn´t mean you don´t get anything and that trust fund wasn´t even enough to make rent! We had to work at some coffee place!"

„I don´t want to divide all of our stuff Addison!"

"Neither do I!"

"Then why are we here?!"

"We´ll give you some privacy" their lawyers said in unision, getting up quickly.

"Give us a call when you decided what to do." And with that they left.

"What the hell?!" Addison pointed at the door that just closed.

"They´re friends with Savvy, what did you expect?" Derek laughed in response.

"You want something to eat?" Addison offered, getting up from her chair and walking towards the kitchen.

"Addison, why are we doing this?" Derek questioned, coming up behind her.

"Uhm, because I´m hungry"

"Don´t act like you don´t know what I´m talking about!"

"Oh, you mean the divorce?" she turned around and looked into his blue eyes. Which instead of sparkling were pain-strikken.

Derek just nodded in response, staring at her."Because I can´t keep on doing this any longer! You started caring when I gave you the divorce papers, which by the way you still have to sign, and moved out! That´s not enough to make a marriage work Derek!" It hurt Addison to see him like that, seeing that she was now doing to him what he had done to her.

She´d thought she´d feel better, but she didn´t.

Apperantly revenge wasn´t that great after all.

"I know. And I know I acted like the biggest asshole on the planet. But doesn´t our marriage deserve a second chance?"

"You´ve had a million second chances! When I made dinner, told you a week in advance, called you when you didn´t show after three hours. I´ve had more conversations with your voicemail than with you! And you´re my husband!" Addison started to get mad. How could he possibly think she never gave him a chance to fix what he had broken?!

"Addison, please" Derek begged. She couldn´t believe he was actually begging her.

"Why should I?!"

"Because I know you still love me!" and the cocky grin on his face was back.

"And what makes you think that?" Addison raised her eyebrows. Of course she still loved him, but why not denying it?

Instead of answering her, Derek leaned in slowly.

Addison´s eyes fluttered close as she finally…

**TO BE CONTINUED… :p**

Aww, I just love cliffies

I know, bohooo, I´m so cruel lol mwahaha evil lagh

What do you want to happen?

Should I update soon?

**REVIEW!!!**

Seriously, how rich can people be?

I mean the people who bought our lovely apatment are about 40 and actually agreed to pay EVERYTHING!

My grandpa went up with the price like 6 times and still!

No chance, meh


	6. Escaping

**Escaping**

Addison´s eyes fluttered close as she finally felt his lips touching hers.

Her mind was running on over-drive and her heart had probably stopped beating, but she didn´t care.

All Addison cared about was Derek and the feeling of her blood boiling in her veins.

She moaned weakly into his mouth and wrapped her arms around his neck, drawing him closer.

As Addison moaned Derek out of the sudden had not enough of her to reach, one of his hands he´d placed on her hips travelled to behind her neck, pulling her towards him.

Addison´s skin was tingling under his feathery touch.

_This is bad. You HAVE to stop this!_

_But it feels way too good to be wrong!_

_Okay, we´re… uhh, on a break… that doesn´t mean no kissing, right?_

_Stop thinking like this!_

_You have got to push him away! This doesn´t go with the whole moving on thing._

Addison´s mind shut down temporarily when he ran one of his hands up and down her thigh, pushing her skirt upwards.

As Derek attached his lips from hers, Addison let out a breathy moan in protest, but soon forgot about that when she felt Derek starting to place kisses on her pulse point and collarbone.

"Derek, stop" she breathed out.

"Why?" he asked in-between kisses.

"Because it´s…" Addison moaned and started to lose control over her body, grinding her hips against his. "Because it´s wrong" she quickly escaped from his hold on her, before she´d lose every bit of self control she still had.

"There´s nothing wrong with that, we´re married!"

"Getting a divorce!" Addison corrected him.

"What if I don´t sign the papers?"

"See if I care! Then we´ll be married for another year. So what? I won´t be here, so take the brown stone for god´s sake!"

"You what?" Derek looked at her in shock.

"I won´t be here. As in me moving away" she rolled her eyes at him. How hard could that be to understand?!

"Where? Why?"

"To Seattle. Richard offered me a job and I took it." Addison shrugged her shoulders.

"Richard always offers us jobs! That doesn´t mean you have to take it!"

"Derek, we will get divorced. I don´t care if you´re now oh-so-suddenly aware of the fact that you have a wife!" Addison was determined to not let him get to her.

She had accepted this job for a reason. To forget, to be far away from all this.

"But—" he started but soon was cut off by her.

"No! No but! I have to go" she rushed out of the kitchen, making her way out of the brownstone.

Sorry guys, I know, bad update and I suck, but I have some private issues to work out before writing again.

If you want me to write anyway, prepare of everyone dying, lots of tears and so on, and so on, etc.

If you really want this, I can continue, but for your own good, don´t ask for that.


	7. Counting Stripes

So, yeah, I´m still alive. Not much better but updating

**Counting Stripes**

Addison took a deep breath.

It had been exactly three days and 43 minutes since she had left New York.

The town she had called her home, and still does.

Now she was about to meet the staff of Seattle Grace hospital, where she had just accepted a job her former professor, Richard Webber, had offered her.

She wanted to move on.

And the best solution was as far away from her soon-to-be ex husband as possible.

Addison hesitantly rose her head, knocking on the big door leading to the chief´s office.

"Come in" she heard Richard mumble and entered, closing the heavy door behind her.

"Hey Richard" she greeted him with a weak smile, caused by the sleepless nights she had spent going through wedding albums and staring at the shiny rings that rested on her left hand.

"Addison, it´s great to see you again!" he rose from his chair and made his way over to her, hugging his former intern tightly.

"Great to see you too" Addison said as both of them pulled apart.

"What brings you here Addison?" Richard asked her with a serious expression on his face, motioning her to take a seat.

"You offered me a job and here I am" she answered with a shrug, trying to down-play it. Addison wasn´t sure she was ready to tell Richard about her split from derek yet, after all he had always acted more like their father than boss.

"We both know that´s not all there´s to it. I´ve known you since you came to med school and you would never leave New York or Derek, if nothing happened."

"We´re getting a divorce" Addison answered simply, feeling tears burning in her eyes.

"Oh Addison, I´m so sorry" Richard took her hand in his, squeezing it lightly.

XXX

_I´m doing the right thing. _

_The only right thing, right and healthy._

_And if healthy equals pain I have to get through this, I mean my legs were all sore after spinning and I still did it._

_Did… That´s right, I quit._

_I´m a weak person._

With those thoughts and a heavy sigh Addison entered the conference room, where she was supposed to meet the other attendings.

She already felt like she was going to throw up.

That chance rose a lot considering she had mild anxiety disorder.

Addison had butterflies in her stomach.

She was the formost neonatal surgeon is this country and still she was afraid of what others would think of her.

Everyone got up and looked her up and down.

Addison smiled nervously and immediately looked at Richard, who got up from his chair and announced "So, ladies and gentlemen, this is Addison Forbes-Montgomery Shepherd, our new OB/GYN and neonatal surgeon."

XXX

"Hey, I´m Preston Burke, cardio and supposed to take you for a tour around the hospital" Addison turned her head towards a tall afro american doctor.

"Well, very nice to meet you and is there much to see?"

"Not really, but the chief makes me. I wouldn´t be surprised if he´ll quiz you afterwards" Preston joked, looking the tall woman in front of him up and down.

"Oh, that sounds so exciting" Addison feigned enthusiasm and started laughing as two doctors, who were just walking past her to leave the room, gave her a weird look.

"Well, come on, we could start with you meeting your interns" Preston started walking, Addison quickly followed him, trying to catch up.

"There" he stopped and pointed at a group of people in light blue scrubs at the Nurses´ Station.

"Ohhh, interns" Addison loved interns, they always did everything attendings wanted and were even willing to bring Mark coffee, all that just to get in on surgeries.

XXX

"Who´s that?" Alex asked Izzie, taking a bite of his sandwich while watching a tall redhead talkling to Dr. Burke.

"Maybe it´s that new attending" Meredith said, also turning around to take a closer look.

"That´s just gossip" Alex waved his sandwich while gesturing.

"Yeah, just because your boyfriend the nurse told you, it doesn´t have to be true." Christina said in a mocking tone, she had been making fun of Meredith dating a male nurse ever since their first date.

"Uwe is a very reliable source!" Meredith defended herself and her boyfriend.

"Uh-huuu" Christina rolled her eyes at her friend, all of them still checking out the woman next to the cardio god of Seattle Grace Hospital.

"Oh I feel like a zebra in a zoo, with all the people staring at me and trying to figure out how many stripes I have" Addison glanced at the group of interns.

"Yeah and I tell you what, it never changes" Pretson laughed at her.

**Push the button please,**  
for the update with school stress, migraine and just sucking days.


	8. Sisters, Stupidity and Plans

**Disclaimer:** I don´t own anything, but you can have my migraine. For free even!

**Sisters, Stupidity and Plans**

"Okay, are you stupid or something?!" Derek´s head snapped up, no longer focusing on his paperwork he had just been doing. When he looked up, he saw his oldest sister, Nancy, in front of him, an annoyed look on her face.

"Nice to see you too" Derek rolled his eyes at her nice greeting.

"No! It´s not nice to see you!" Nancy raised her voice, she hated her brother right now and couldn´t get how a single person could actually be THIS stupid! "What the hell do you think you´re doing?!"

"Uhh, paper work?"

"Oh don´t play stupid, which I still think you are, but you know exactly what I mean!" and Derek did. He knew what she was talking about, but didn´t really want to get into this, so he just didn´t reply and went back to some charts in front of him.

"Derek, I´m so gonna call mom and tell her about this!" Nancy knew that this would work on him, it always had and he should be thankful she didn´t tell Rita about the whole 'Addison packed her things and moved and your son just let her go' thing yet.

"Noyou wouldn´t" he responded, not bothering to look up.

"Try me" Nancy grinned, fishing her phone out of her purse and flipped it open.

"Okay, fine" Derek said annoyed "What is there to talk about?! She left."

"And that doesn´t even bother you?!" Nancy hated her brother, she seriously hated him. How could he just let her go like this?!

"I never said that!" he replied shortly. Letting his big sister know how much it hurt him that his wife left wasn´t exactly something Derek Shepherd would do.

"Then what is it? Why did you have to be such an asshole and just not care about her?!" he could tell she was mad, furious even and he couldnßt really blame her. His family loved Addison.

"I did care about her! Hell, I still do!" Derek could feel his temper rise.

"No you didn´t! She came alone to Christmas, to mom´s birthday and always had to make up important things you had to do!" Nancy yelled back, pretty sure the entire hospital could hear them.

"I did have important things to do!" he defended his absence over the last year, if not longer than that, he actually couldn´t tell.

"Great, more important than your wife! You´re such a jerk! Did you ever even bother how she felt? At least a little guilt?"

"Of course I feel guilty" I do every day!"

"Yeah, but just since she left! Oh god, what happened to my little brother who would do everything for Addison?" Nancy questioned, she could remember the look in his eyes everytime he just looked at her, but that look disappeared. And if his family noticed, Addison must have too.

"We both had to work a lot!"

"That didn´t stop her from coming to Christmas! Christmas, Derek!" Nancy said reproachfully, in a tone, his mother had always used to make him feel guilty.

"It was just once!" Derek was annoyed by her, as if he wouldn´t feel guilty enough about what had happened.

"I´m not only talking about Christmas here!" Nancy´s voice was sounding more calm than before "You also forgot her birthday. I´d have left you right after that"

"Gee thanks Nanc"

"I never sugar-coated things and I sure as hell won´t start now. So, you want hr back?" she raised her eyebrows.

"Yeah I do, more than you could know" he sighed sadly, knowing he screwed it up.

"Well, one thing is for sure she doesn´t trust you. There will be snow on the hills of hell before that happens. " she said, noticing the look on Derek´s face and then quickly added "but I can make it snow in hell. Or I can help you."

"How?" Derek wanted to get Addison back, but he had no idea how.

"Well, we just need a plan, don´t we?"

…TO BE CONTINUED …

**Okay, seriously, I expect reviews!  
He wants her back, so push the blue button! Gimme!**


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